Tag Archives: CHUCK NORRIS

Where’s The Cake?

Elliot was all prepared for a party, but has decided to retreat to his bed because there wasn't any cake. Regardless - Happy Birthday all y'alls with birthdays this month

January is a month of many birthdays. So many birthdays – Silvia, Mike, Mel, Aqleema, Matt, Paula, Dr. Beth (whose birthday just so happens to be today – so happy birthday Dr. Beth), Bum, Dr. Gerarda, George, Jeff, Val, Marilyn, Dr. Neil, and the list goes on. I’d argue that there are so many birthdays, that if I were to eat cake for each and every one of them I’d end up in some sort of diabetic coma. The quantity of birthdays in January rivals that of May and November. Crazy!

Note the first: for those not in the know, 50% of my immediate family (2 parents, 3 brothers, 2 sister-in-laws, 5 nieces, and 1 nephew – that’s 14 of us in total) have birthdays in May.

The thing that I find absolutely crazy amazing about all of the birthdays in January is so much more than their quantity. It is the fact that so many people I know share the exact same birthdays in January.

Notice that I wrote share the exact same birthdays. That wasn’t a mistake. I know several people who have the same birthday in January. But I also know other people who have the same birthday in January that is different from the first set of people. And then there is yet another group of people in January that share a birthday that is also different from the first two groups. Confused?

I was going to buy each of you this cake, because who doesn't want a birthday cake with chest hair on it? Actually, pretty much everybody doesn't want that. Consider my not buying you this cake your birthday gift. You are welcome.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, let me begin by telling you that I have 3 close friends who all had birthdays yesterday. While I did send out some quick emails to wish them a happy birthday, I of course will give them a giant hug/leg hump to celebrate more appropriately (or inappropriately as the case may be) when next we meet. So, Aqleema, Matt, Paula – consider yourselves duly warned.

A little later this month, Dr. Gerarda and Bum will share a birthday. And then after that, George and Jeff will also share a birthday.

What is it with people having babies on the same day in January?

Note the second: for those not in the know, November brings a multiplicity of shared birthdays as well: 2 on the 7th, 3 on the 8th, 2 on the 17th, 3 on the 18th, and 2 on the 20th. 

If I could, I'd buy each of you this Chuck Norris cake. Because when Chuck Norris wishes you a happy birthday, it's not a wish - it's a command.

Anyway, I really just wanted to wish everyone a super-duper happy birthday. I wish that I could see you all on your special days and give you the requisite hug and leg hump (your choice of course – I mean, it is your birthday) that I previously mentioned. I also imagine that these visits would involve cake of some sort. However, since I won’t be seeing all of you on your special days, and since I don’t have any cake hanging around my home (I know, what kind of home do I live in?), I will pour myself a scotch and toast you all from the comfort of my living room.

Note the third: I will pour one scotch, because if I were to celebrate each birthday right now with a scotch, I’d probably not make it to my class tomorrow. And that sort of behaviour is apparently frowned upon when you’re supposed to be professional. Pffft. 

Note the forth: I was actually going to calculate the probability of having multiple people sharing the same birthdays this month, but then I realized I was tired, and I also realized that it would make this post far too long. I’d say that not calculating the probability is also a birthday present, but I know that you all are dying to know the answer – so I’ll present that in a later post. I know, the anticipation and excitement must be killing you.


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Go Dr. Beth Go!

Image pilfered from Dr. Beth's blog. Pilfered images are the best kind of images.

At some point today (or perhaps early tomorrow) we will be able to officially mark the half-way point of Dr. Beth’s epic 10+ day challenge to complete the longest ever continuous game of hockey. For those who might have forgotten, the entire game is being played to raise awareness and money to support research to treat and ultimately cure Cystic Fibrosis. In honour of such an amazing accomplishment, I promise to raise a glass of something booze-y this eve. These are the things that I’m willing to do for Dr. Beth.

Anyway, Dr. Beth had asked that people come down to visit and support her and the team while they are playing. It’s a way to keep the teams’ spirits up, because the task-at-hand is clearly a gruelling one – in mind, body, and spirit. However, since I can’t make it there myself (what with the several thousand kilometre commute that would be required), I thought I would try to come up with a list of slogans that could be proudly displayed in some for of poster goodness. So here you go Dr. Beth; several slogans just for you. Keep up the most awesome work!

  • CHUCK NORRIS NEVER COMPLETED A 242+ HOUR LONG GAME OF HOCKEY
  • PUCK CYSTIC FIBROSIS
  • CYSTIC FIBROSIS CAN SUCK MY DEKE
  • YOUR BODY WILL FORGIVE YOU EVENTUALLY
  • YOUR BODY WILL FEEL BETTER WHEN IT STOPS HURTING
  • JUST THINK HOW EASY A REGULAR GAME OF HOCKEY WILL FEEL NOW
  • THIS IS JUST A REGULAR GAME OF HOCKEY WITH A 241 HOUR WARM-UP
I’m also trying to come up with a slogan or three that contain the following hockey terms: zamboni/zamboner, puck bunny, holding, hooking, gross misconduct, five-hole, and/or butt-ending. :)

And don’t forget; if you haven’t donated you can do so by clicking the link on the right side of this page. And feel free to pass on this post so that the word gets out about the need to fund Cystic Fibrosis research.

For those wishing to get a first hand account of the game, check out Dr. Beth’s blog here. Or watch the game live here.