Tag Archives: Dairy

There Is A Great Disturbance In The Force…

One of these bugs might be in me.

And by force, I mean my belly.

You see, dear readers, based on the events of the past 2 days I can only deduce that I have either consumed dairy1 without knowing it, or I have picked up some bug.

How is it possible that I can’t tell?

Well, I don’t exactly feel sick. But I can confirm without a doubt that something ain’t right. 

Whatever I have doesn’t feel like dairy-poisoning2, but it also doesn’t feel like gastrointestinal (GI) disease. None of the standard symptoms are present. With dairy-poisoning, I’m often left feeling bruised. I tend to think of this as the result of some alien-milk baby trying to punch its way out of my gut. Charming, I know. And GI disease often comes with vomiting, fever, chills, etc.

Evil cow. The source of Montezumoo's Revenge.

I have none of these common symptoms. And thank you very much, I don’t want any of them. What’s even weirder is that I don’t feel ill. Well, I don’t feel ill between instances of Great Disturbances In The Force.

Anyway, I’m a bit perplexed as to what exactly I have. Perhaps it’s a happy little blend of GI disease and an evil alien-milk baby. Perhaps it’s something entirely different.

But, dear readers, what concerns me most of all about my current predicament is not the possibility of a GI-disease-evil-alien-milk-mutant-baby-crossbreed. What concerns me is that I haven’t been able to run. And as you may recall, I have the 30K Around The Bay scheduled for this Sunday. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be running a lot right now, as I’d want to rest my legs and such for the big day, but I would be running some so as to keep my legs and body prepared.

However, given my current situation it would definitely be unwise to go running. I’m sure we can all imagine the terrible, terrible outcome that might bring.

Regardless, I’m still planning on running on Sunday lest this turn into some full-scale illness. I just hope above all other things that my legs are ready despite the unscheduled rest time. Actually, I take that back. I hope above all other things that I’m not hit with Montezumoo’s Revenge while I’m running on Sunday. That would just be awful in a way I can’t even begin to imagine.

1 Being a card-carrying member of the Lactose-Free Guild, I tend to avoid dairy at all costs due to the dire gastrointestinal consequences.

2 Dairy-Poisoning: what happens when someone who is lactose intolerant is purposefully or inadvertently fed dairy. See also: Montezumoo’s Revenge3.

3 Montezumoo’s Revenge – Ha! I kill me4.

4 I Googled Montezumoo’s Revenge and couldn’t find it anywhere. I also searched for just Montezumoo and came up with nothing. As such, I’m staking claim to this phrase forever and always. Mark your calendars – this is probably the highlight of my career.

Soy My God, It’s Coconut Ice Cream!

Given that my body forced me to stop eating dairy several years ago, I have often had to go without certain foods. No biggie really. But every now and then I miss it. Not the ridiculous pain and nausea associated with eating dairy, but the delicious creamy goodness that we all know and love.

And of course, this means certain other foods are off-limits too. I’m of course referring to cheesecake (oh how I love cheesecake), and custards, and whipped cream, and ice cream, and oh did I mention cheesecake? I also have to avoid Crème brûlée, sour cream, yogurt, and oh so many other tasty things. Yes, it’s a cruel, cruel, non-dairy world, but such is the cross I have to bear. I’m such a dairy-martyr. Ha!

Anyway, to get my ice-cream fix I’ve often purchased soy-cream. And don’t get me wrong, it’s delicious and awesome. But, given that I drink a lot of soy products and generally eat tofu during every lunch, I try to limit all other soy consumption as much as I can. I do this by only drinking soy milk in my lattes, limiting my chocolate tofu ‘cheese’-cake1 consumption to special occasions (like Sundays – Sundays are special occasions, right?), and by converting all other ‘milk’ consumption to that of the almond variety (which is also quite delicious). Needless to say, I don’t often eat ice-cream. And that makes me sad in my delicious-zone.

However, the other day whilst perusing the frozen treat section of the grocery store, I discovered Purely Decadent2 ‘ice-cream’ made with coconut milk! I may have squeee’ed when I saw it. I couldn’t help myself, I just had to purchase it. And thank the gods of non-dairy goodness, it is awesome. I’m a huge fan of coconut (it reminds me of my Hawaiian adventures), and I’m a huge fan of non-dairy anything that tastes as creamy as their dairy counterparts3. And this dear readers, is a treat that is a worthy substitute for ice-cream.

For those of you that might have an aversion or allergy to dairy, or for those of you looking to try something new, I highly recommend this product. Try it; you won’t be disappointed (unless you aren’t a fan of coconut – but who doesn’t like coconut – it’s the prime ingredient in the deliciousness known as the piña colada).

1 Available at The Cornerstone, downtown Guelph. Soy delicious. Ha! Soy. Get it? I kill me.

2 Dear Turtle Mountain, makers of delicious coconut ice-cream deliciousness. I love your product. If you feel the need to thank me for sharing the awesomeness that is your product to the world, I am willing to accept thanks in the form of more coconut ice-cream deliciousness.

3 Speaking of non-dairy anything that tastes as creamy as their dairy counterparts, does anyone have any other non-dairy, non-soy dessert options that are deliciously delicious (the best kind of delicious) to share with me and the readers of Consumed By Wanderlust? Just leave a comment in the comments section below. Know that my sweet tooth thanks you in advance.