As a professor I tend to fill my day researching, teaching, and providing administrative type services (such as leading committees, drafting reference letters, cleaning my office, and eating chocolate). While I try to keep the nerdery to a bit of a minimum here at Consumed By Wanderlust, I can’t help myself – lessons, rules, words to live by, often make their way onto this blog.
Of course, I’m a realist. I’m not expecting you to have written these down, despite the fact that I often wrote write that down. I get that you might have been too busy or easily distracted. For this reason, I thought I would spend some time and collect all of the most salient rules and lessons that I have offered to you over the last year or so. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that this list is probably one of the most profound lists you’ll read this year.
You are welcome.
The exam is next week.
Things you should have written down if you were paying attention:
- Classy bitches scree.
- Classy bitches drink mountain top scotch.
- All the cool kids pack last-minute.
- Schwanky is a perfectly cromulent word used by scienticians.
- I’m a bargain.
- My bed is awesome.
- I am pure and wholesome.
- Brain-thoughts are the most complex of all the thoughts.
- A house just isn’t a house if it doesn’t have scotch.
- A non-cranky Dan is so much better than a cranky Dan.
- Waiting for people requires treats.
- All good rants deserve pie.
- It’s basically impossible to be cranky when one has a dairy free pecan butter tart to eat.
- It’s all about finding the silver-lining folks.
- All good NOIs and proposals are written with scotch.
- Curiosity is far more intriguing when it’s morbid.
- Free donuts taste way better than regular old pay-for-donut donuts.
- Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without pie – pumpkin pie specifically.
- Pie is AWESOME.
- Pie is AWESOME.1
- Grant writing plus chocolate is way better than grant writing without chocolate.
- Booze helps research.
- Anything plus chocolate is way better than anything without chocolate.2
- Hallowe’en isn’t Hallowe’en if it doesn’t include a scotch.
- Pie pretty much is the answer to anything.
- Mathematics are best discovered in a café.
- Planning – it’s the secret to Christmas shopping. Well, that and a little pre-shopping cheer3.
- Rules are meant to be broken.
- A manly bath includes scotch.
- Massage doesn’t need a reason.
Things you should have written down if you were paying attention to Dr. Beth:
- One must drink rum in egg nog when putting up a Christmas tree.
- If you shamelessly steal borrow a line from Dr. Dan’s blog, you should write a footnote about it.
1 The duplication is not a mistake. If you refer to One More Piece Couldn’t Hurt you’ll see that I noted that this particular rule should be written down twice.
2 Which was actually upgraded to a law of the universe.
3 Read Scotch.