Tag Archives: Greeting card

Naughty 6 Squared Birthday To Me

Dean Morris makes the BEST and most offensive greeting cards. This is NOT the card that Rick gave me. Not even close.

Two weeks ago I celebrated my 36th birthday. And by celebrated, I mean I woke up, took a deep breath, and continued recovery from my hernia surgery. That is to say, I didn’t really do much in the way of standard celebrating. While there was no cake (as I wasn’t really eating solids at that point), there was a party; a party of one. Clearly I am using the term party to mean that Dan was stoned off his gourd on Oxycodone

Anyway, not having a formal gathering of friends wasn’t an issue. I’ve managed to squeeze in a lot of one-on-one coffees, mall-walks, and suchlike with friends over the past 2 weeks, and will have no problem celebrating my birthday for another month if that is what needs to happen. Truthfully, it’s not really the birthday stuff that I care about. It is, however, a great excuse to meet up with friends. Not that I need an excuse. My friends rock; all that is required for a get-together is a phone call, an email, a text, or some other form of communication to say “Yo, let’s do this”. And we do.

But I’m getting off point.

So what the hell is the point of this post? you ask.

Well, my friend Rick (whom you will all likely remember from such amazing adventures as Dan Smashes His Face, and Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) dropped by Friday. He was in town very briefly for a wedding, and managed to pop in to see how I was recuperating from surgery. He also brought me the most awesome birthday gift. For those unaware, Rick and I have developed a habit of buying each other very off-colour, offensive, rude, and inappropriate gifts/cards. I think it started with the Christmas card that Rick sent to me last year (see picture below).

NOTE: Mom & Dad, or anyone who might have a weak constitution – you may not, and probably should not read the rest of this post. Especially you Mom. Consider yourself duly warned. Also, in my defence – Rick started it1 :)

I followed up his Christmas card with a most awesome (in my twisted little mind) 30th birthday card. You can read about that card here. While the word that has been smiley-faced over is only 5 letters in length, it is one of the most offensive in the english language. I will not write the 5 letter word here for fear that it might cause some readers to faint, or suffer the vapours, but I will say that the 5 letter word does not rhyme with aunty.

In turn, he gave me the card and gift that you see below (Mom & Dad, if you are still reading – don’t say I didn’t warn you). I love, love, love the caution on the back of the gift. Freaking hilarious.

Anyway, I felt compelled to share this with all y’all (or at least with those of you who decided to keep reading).

Thanks again Rick. Trust me when I say that I love the gift, and that I’m actively seeking out your Christmas card. But most importantly, thanks for taking the time to drop by on Friday. I know you had a super packed schedule. As always, it was great to chat with you. It sucks that we can’t hang out more frequently.



1 Rick may or may not have started it. I actually don’t remember. Most likely, I started it. Rick was probably innocent and naive before he met me. I may have that effect on people.