Tag Archives: Hallmark

Only 137 More Shopping Days Left

Extreme Mall Walking :)

As part of my recovery, I have decided that I need to get out of my condo for at least an hour or so a day so that I can move about and make whatever attempt I can at exercise. Ideally, I’d be doing this out-of-doors, but for now have opted to do my exercise indoors.

And what exactly might I be doing for this hour? Only partaking in the most exciting sport ever invented – Mall-Walking! That’s right folks, every day I saunter (well, maybe not so much saunter as amble) over to the glorious Stone Road Mall to walk from one end to the other. And every day I see pretty much the same things; sales, more sales, and Christmas ornaments.

Say what?

True story. Hallmark already has their Christmas ornaments up for sale. I died a little inside when I saw that. Truth be told, seeing the ornaments up made me a little angry. Why for the love of all things are we selling ornaments in August? Is it any wonder people are annoyed with Christmas by the time it does roll around in December (only 137 days from now)? I was so annoyed, I tweeted the following:

Amazingly, no response from Hallmark. Go figure. :)

Anyway, back to the point of my post. Walking. More specifically, the honoured and ancient sport of Mall-Walking. Fortunately, anybody – all ages, all sizes, all levels of health – can partake in Mall-Walking. But what, pray tell, does one do as a Mall-Walker? Easy. One walks the mall. Seriously.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the idea that the mall is open for those that want to get out to do any form of activity (because movement is good) is awesome. And I love when I’m walking to school in the winter when I can see the seniors strutting their stuff through the corridors of Stone Road Mall. It’s good for their physical well-being, their mental well-being, and there is clearly a huge social aspect to it as well. So there is nothing wrong with Mall-Walking.

However, it’s very much an exercise in hilarity for me. Not because I think the activity is hilarious (granted, there is something funny to be said about walking a mall), but because I feel hilarious when I’m doing it. Why? First, I’m ambling along as if I’m some sort of retiree. And while retirement does sound nice at times, I’m a long way from that stage of my life (both financially, and professionally). Second, I’m constantly being passed by people who are older, and in a lot of cases, less physically fit than me. This actually makes me giggle because try as I might, I just can’t catch up. Me, a runner, and biker, and hot-yoga-er. Crazy. Third, and last, I’m exhausted by the time I’ve finished one lap. Seriously exhausted.

Lunch - a Mocha Coconut Frap made with soy milk and minus the whip, because dairy doesn't like me.

For example, today, after having a very nice liquid lunch with my friend Victoria (note: liquid lunch does not mean booze, it means a Starbucks beverage – although I understand your confusion), I walked the mall. I walked from Chapters (for those of you familiar with the layout), down to Sears, through Sears, down to the Garage Clothing Company (or whatever the women’s clothing store happens to be now). I turned right, walked past Rogers and Bell, by the food court, stopped to say hello to the chocolate tasties at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, then proceeded to wander down and through HomeSense. By the time I was on my way to HomeSense, I felt the need to sit down and rest. I didn’t, but I felt that way. Once in HomeSense, the urge to sit was too much. I actually plopped down onto the floor and pretended to check my email, because I found it insane that I needed to rest that badly and didn’t have it in me to explain to those walking by me why I was plopped in such a manner. Ridiculous. Hilarious.

After a few minutes, I managed to get up and make my way home. And then I had a one and a half hour nap. And this was all without any influence of oxycodone. Because I’m just that cool.

There you have it folks. Mall-Walking. The sport that exhausted me to the point of needing a nap after only 1 hour.

Hilarious.

Of course I realize that this is a function of having surgery less than a week ago. And it’s also a function of not eating enough food due to my liquid and now semi-solid diet. And since I like numbers as they allow me to make sense of the world, I decided to figure out how much the diet might be playing into my Mall-Walking exhaustion by calculating my Caloric intake since Friday. On average, and this is a rough estimate, I’ve taken in only about 820 Calories per day. Um, ya. That might explain my exhaustion.

I think I’m going to go drink a tall glass of honey.