Tag Archives: Ron Swanson

And The Winners Are…

Today is the big reveal; the day when your voice, dear readers is heard loud and clear. That’s correct, today we reveal the winners of the 1st Annual Movember Moustache-off.

And let me say that the race to the top was tight! In the last 5 minutes, the ultimate winner pulled ahead by only a few votes. Crazy close and exciting! So close that the winner had only

First, I’d like to say a huge thank you to all of the participants; your moustaches have been the source of much entertainment. Also, thank you to Dana and David for adding two extra donation-prizes. Finally, thank you to all who voted. Manly mustachioed men around the world appreciate your part in promoting manly health related things.

Anyway, after several days of furious voting, here is how it all turned out (final voting results are listed below):

Jasper: Favourite and Fanciest Moustache

Your Favourite Moustache, and the recipient of a $100 donation is Jasper! Congrats you creepy mustachioed bastard. Note to my readers – Jasper is a good friend, so I don’t actually think he’s creepy or a bastard.

Babak: Fanciest Moustache

Your choice for Fanciest Moustache, and the winner of a $50 donation is a tie! That is, both Babak and Jasper had the exact same number of votes. But not to worry – both will receive a $50 donation because they clearly deserve it.

And finally, your choice to receive The Heart Was Willing But The Follicles Were Not award (and another $50 donation) is Adam.

Adam: Follicle-y Challenged

So, congratulations to the winners – you’ve done yourselves, Magnum PI, Ned Flanders, the Rons (Swanson and Burgundy), and all other mustachioed manly men proud. Donations will be made shortly. If any reader wishes to donate to the cause, simply visit the contest pageand click on the link for the mo-testant you’d like to donate to.

But wait, that’s not all. So that you might inform all those you know of your amazing accomplishment, I’ve included Consumed By Wanderlust certificates to make official your success. I recommend you frame these and post them in a place of honour; your office perhaps, or above your bed. I’ll leave that decision to you.

Jasper has the Favourite Moustache and the Fanciest Moustache

Babak has the Fanciest Moustache

Adam has the Heart Was Willing But the Follicles Were Not Moustache

Now please, for the love of all things sacred and holy, go shave.


Favourite Moustache

Fanciest Moustache

Most Follicle-y Challenged Moustache


‘Mos Of The World: A Contest For ‘Mo Bros

'Mos of the world: The Ned Flanders

Well, it’s definitely November. Halloween has past. Most of the leaves have fallen from the trees. The burst of colour that was fall has faded to brown. The air is crisper. The sky greyer. And I’m constantly shivering when I’m outside. And while all of these things collectively tell me it’s November, I didn’t really incorporate that fact into my psyche, until today.

So, what changed?

Well, walking around campus today – between meetings, and during lunch – I couldn’t help but notice the number of guys that seemingly forgot to wash in the morning. It wasn’t that I could smell the unmistakable stench of B.O; it’s what I could see. That faint bit of dirt just above the upper lip, and below the nostrils.

Now, you’ll have to excuse me. In the event that you don’t know, I am follicle-y challenged when it comes to my face. I couldn’t grow a beard or a moustache to save my life, and I’m 36. In fact, I think the first time I ever shaved was when I was 23 or so. My younger brother taught me, because I was a bit freaked out about taking a razor to my face. It took me over 10 years to use up a standard can of Gillette shaving cream that my mother had generously put into my stocking one Christmas when I was 18. She gave all the Gillis boys shaving cream to be fair. In all honesty, that can of shaving cream wasn’t even used for about 5 years. Even now I use an electric razor every few days, but that’s mainly because of how I look if I don’t. I’m not blessed with a ‘full beard’ or ‘full moustache’ type of face. I get ‘neck beard’, and it’s patchy at best. I also get some fuzz growing above my upper lip, but it’s blond. When it grows in, and if the light hits it just right, it looks like I have sparkles on my face. I don’t care how manly someone is, sparkles subtract from that manliness.

'Mos of the world: The Tom Selleck

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I love not having to shave like the typical man. I’ve heard many a complaint about having to do it every day. I enjoy that shaving is still a novelty. I find using the electric razor hilarious. In fact, in my head I’m often singing Homer’s “I’m shaving my shoulders” song. Sometimes I sing it out loud. I probably sing it because I think it’s about as ridiculous as the idea of me shaving. On top of all of this, I’ve saved a lot of coin considering I’ve only ever bought 2 cans of shaving cream, and can count the number of times I’ve bought razors on one hand.

But back to the point at hand. The dirt. Everywhere I looked – dirt – above so many otherwise attractive faces.

And that is when it hit me. It’s November. Or more accurately – Movember. A month set aside for men to put down their razors and take up the challenge of raising money for Prostate Cancer awareness. Yes, those monstrosities known as moustaches actually serve a purpose other than keeping one’s face warm and collecting food bits and milk.

'Mos of the world: The Salvador Dali

So, I’m presented with a dilemma. I can’t sport a ‘mo as it’s essentially impossible for me to do so. But, I want to help out. It is a worthy cause after all. What’s a guy like me to do? I mean, several friends have already identified as ‘mo bros (apparently the term for those raising funds). I’ve seen them comment on the Twitter. I’ve seen them comment on Facebook. And I’ve even received emails from them soliciting funds. I can’t give to all of them, as much as I’d love to. And I don’t want to pick one person over another.

And then on the way home today, I was struck with an idea. I need to hold a contest. A contest to determine which of my ‘mo bros deserve my donation. Clearly, it really doesn’t matter who gets the cash, as it all goes to the same pot in the end. But how it gets there could turn out to be supremely entertaining. At least for me. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Oh right – raising money for Prostate Cancer research.

The Contest

The contest itself is simple: I will award a $100 donation to whomever has the most amazing moustache by 8pm Eastern November 27, 2011. To enter, simply send me your Movember Canada donation page with a picture of your clean-shaven face dated November 1 (or later). On November 27 (by 8pm Eastern), I’ll ask each entrant send me an updated photo of their mustachioed face. Entries can be sent to consumedbywanderlust [dot] wordpress [at] gmail [dot] com.

'Mos of the world: The Ron Swanson

I’ll set up a page at Consumed By Wanderlust with all the entrants’ initial photos, their donation pages, their tweets/haikus, and their final mustachioed photos. Between November 28 and November 29, I will ask my readers to select their favourite moustaches. The top 5 will make it to the finals. Another poll will be held on November 30, where my readers will again be asked to select their favourite moustache of the 5 finalists. The person on the 30th who has the most votes will win. Be creative! Have fun. And note – the tweets/haikus that you submit might help you win (see the rules below for more info).

Entries will be accepted up until 8pm Eastern, November 14, 2011.

The Rules

  1. You MUST be registered with Movember Canada. That is, you must be able to send me a link to your personal donation page. I will be donating online, and only online.
  2. You MUST submit a clean-shaven photo (dated November 1, 2011 or later) by 8pm Eastern, November 14, 2011.
  3. You CAN submit a 140 character (tweet style) blurb about yourself, or a single haiku about yourself.
  4. You CAN submit a photo of your moustache in progress (by 8pm Eastern, November 14, 2011).
  5. You MUST submit a final mustachioed photo (by 8pm Eastern, November 27, 2011).
  6. You CAN submit either a 140 character (tweet style) blurb about your moustache, or a single haiku about your moustache.
  7. You MUST submit either a Twitter handle or email address so that I can contact you if you win (and also to remind you about the second photo required by the 27th).
  8. If you are selected as the winner, you MUST provide me with a photo that you are still mustachioed on November 30th, when the prize will be awarded. That is, to collect the prize, you can’t have shaved until after the prize is awarded. If you have shaved prior to the prize being awarded, you forfeit the prize and it will go to the finalist with the second largest number of votes.

That’s it. Good luck to all the entrants.

Oh, and to my readers – should you want to sweeten this pot and create second or third prizes, or a special prize (such as widest moustache, thickest moustache, most pathetic moustache, etc.), just let me know. Perhaps we can raise a lot more than the $100 donation that I’m offering, and we can have a lot of fun in the process.


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