The Radius Of Stupidity

So I’ve noticed that my scar, in a manner that I can only describe as what Harry Potter must experience, tends to tingle when I’m surrounded by stupid people. True story. Okay, maybe that’s a lie, but how cool would that be?

Anyway, I imagine that it should tingle/burn/hurt whenever I’m surrounded by stupid people. I also imagine that the intensity of the feeling would be directly proportional to the quantity of stupid people within a particular radius1, and the magnitude of their collective stupidity2. I write this because stupid people happen to be my very own personal he-who-must-not-be-named-but-I’m-going-to-anyway-because-I’m-clearly-bad-ass-like-that Lord Voldemort.  That is, stupid people are the bane of my existence. They stand in complete opposition to what I stand for.

I further imagine that the tingling/burning/hurting of the scar would look something like this, but with 50% more awesome:

For awesomeness like this on a t-shirt, go to http://www.cafepress.com/thestupidburns. You shant be disappointed.

It should be noted that I have no particular reason to write a post about stupid people3; at least, not at present.  I have fortunately not had to deal with any of them this week, and I just returned from a 16 day adventure with Rick who is as far from stupid as one human could possibly be.  Granted, if stupid people happened to enter my radius of stupidity in the past 23 days, they were either low enough in number, or their collective stupidity was of such small magnitude, that I hadn’t noticed.   Regardless, this is where my brain went when I sat down to update ConsumedByWanderlust.  Aren’t you glad you decided to read this?

Speaking of my Harry-Potter-like scar, I thought I would present a timeline of the healing process for all y’all that are interested in such things.

The face that may have, but likely didn't, launch a thousand ships (i.e., pre face-smash)
Day 1 post face-smash. I have beer, hence I am happy.
Day 3 post face-smash. Some very clear swelling.
Day 4 post face-smash. Still swollen, and apparently stoned?
Day 15 post face-smash. Looking more Harry-Potter-like every day.
Day 15 post face-smash. A close up of my lightning-bolt-shaped scar. Eat your heart out Harry Potter.

As you can see, I’m almost back to my normal charming self.


1 We shall call this radius, r, the radius of stupidity. Note: a Google search for the phrase “radius of stupidity” yielded no results. As such, I’m claiming this phrase as my own. You read it here first folks! I’ve just been informed that the phrase can be found on the interwebs. So “you read it here first” should be replaced with “you read it here recently”. Sigh.

2 I imagine the intensity, I, could be defined as follows:

Intensity of scar-tingling, given the radius of stupidity r, and set of all stupid people (including their individual contributions mi to stupidity) falling within a circle of said radius.

where we clearly have a logistic-type curve:

The logistic curve describing the Intensity equation.

And yes, I actually graphed the general shape of the function, because I really am that much of a nerd. Carrying on, we have that r is as defined in footnote 1, Ni are all stupid people (i=1, 2, 3, …)4, and mi represents the iths persons stupidity magnitude. Finally, Ni ∈ C(r) is the set of all stupid people that fall within a circle C centred on me, with radius of stupidity r; that is, my neighbouring idiots. The idea being that the intensity would remain low so long as the number of stupid people within the radius of stupidity was low, or the magnitude of their stupidity was low, or both, and it would climb quickly to some sort of threshold. Clearly at the threshold, I’d pass out from the quantity and magnitude of stupidity that fell within C(r).

3 I should also add that by writing about stupid people, I am not immediately excluding myself from this group. I know I have my moments; you know those moments5, we all have them; when you say or do something of such immense stupidity that you wonder if someone out there is planning to sterilize you so that you don’t produce any stupid progeny. I’ve been there. I’ve been that guy. As such, I know that I have on certain less-than-stellar-days invaded someone else’s radius of stupidity and caused their version of a boy-wizard-scar to burn. For all those cases, past and present, let me apologize now.

4 I’d like to assume that there exists a maximum value to i; that is, there exists someone out there that represents the last stupid person. However, I’m pretty sure that isn’t the case. I don’t think life quite works that way. Hence, I stand by my use of the dot, dot, dot.

5 A certain face-smashing moment comes to mind.

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Jorge says:

    Wow. If I had a scar that burned when stupid people were in proximity, it would probably burn intensely ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND.

    😦

    1. dangillis says:

      I’d like to say that my scar shouldn’t burn given that I work at a University. Sadly, the number of times I’m sure that it should burn (and burn oh so bright) hurts my head to even think about.

  2. Rick says:

    This post is fantastic, and full of so much nerdery, I don’t know how to handle it. That scar is definitely looking more Harry Potter-like. I am glad to have been placed on the opposite end of the stupidity spectrum, but believe it or not (and I know it will be difficult to believe), I do have my moments. The time I took you to the hospital for footnote 5 is not one of them. 🙂

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