Heed My Words: Prepare For The Oncoming Zombie Apocalypse

A few days ago, I posted about my most recent publication on the prestigious blog Dissertation Haiku.  While I was creating the post, I decided to search for some fun haiku, and I stumbled on Zombie Haiku.  This led me to a site of such importance, that I felt compelled to share it with you.  The site is the Zombie Research Society.  The society does work that all of us should support.

They are governed by three main principles:

  1. A zombie is a biologically definable, animated being occupying a human corpse.
  2. The zombie pandemic is coming.  It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when.
  3. Enthusiastic debate about zombies is essential to the survival of the human race.

Immediately I had to share this site with my friend, and fellow concerned citizen Dr. Beth of Not To Be Trusted With Knives.  The two of us have discussed the potential of a zombie uprising on several occasions.  She has also posted several blog entries related to zombies and zombie related issues (see here, here, here, and here).  Clearly, she needed to know about this society.

Dr. Beth, being the investigative sort that she is, immediately determined that there were no chapters of the Zombie Research Society in Vancouver, or Guelph.  Obviously, our cities were vastly unprepared for the impending zombie apocalypse.  Something had to be done.   Dr. Beth promptly followed up this revelation by contacting the society to determine how we might rectify this problem.

Being the reputable group that they are, the president immediately replied with a list of things that we needed to do.  They are:

  1. Each local chapter has to have at least 3 lifetime ZRS members to act as the core leadership of the chapter. This includes a President, Vice President, and Sergeant At Arms.
  2. The chapter must complete at least 2 “research” projects per year.
  3. You must have at least 5 meetings a year and at least 2 of these meetings need to be open to the public.
  4. Each new chapter is on a probationary period until it completes two projects and has three meetings.

The research projects described in item the second, could fall within the societies core research areas: zombie pop culture, science, or survival/preparedness. Other groups have organized Zombie Walks.

Honestly, this sounds like so much fun and is clearly of such importance that I feel compelled to set up a Guelph Chapter.  But first, dear readers, I need to determine how many of you might be interested in such a thing.  Do you have what it takes to fight the good fight, and prevent the oncoming zombie apocalypse?  Dare you take up the challenge?

For those that are sitting on the fence, perhaps this will help your decision: all meetings will require anti-zombie juice and anti-zombie chips (also known as beer and nachos).  That may or may not inspire some of you to at least consider this venture.  Further, I don’t really know if beer is anti-zombie juice, so this could and should be our first research project.

Anyway, for those of you interested in becoming a part of this tribe, let me know.  Clearly we are unprepared for the zombie uprising that surely awaits us.

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