So it has been just over 48 hours since I woke up post hernia surgery. Crazy stuff.
What have I learned since then? A few things, which I present to you now in list form – because who doesn’t like a list? No one, that’s who.
- I could have used more morphine during recovery, but apparently I do not listen well when I’m under the influence of morphine. It’s not that I needed the morphine, but it was available and I didn’t use it. I would call that a great big fail on my part.
- Oxycodone and Percocet are essentially the same drug. Except for the name, and a few additives.
- Trying to pee while lying down is very, very difficult.
- Trying to pee when a nurse comes in to check your stats isn’t nearly as difficult. Also, it’s not as embarrassing as one might think.
- Further, having one’s bare ass hang out when one attempts for the first time to walk to the bathroom post hernia surgery is very much not embarrassing. I felt bad for the nurses who were forced to endure my lily-white butt, however, I was not embarrassed. I’m sure that comes as no surprise to anyone.
- Peeing standing up is far superior to peeing lying down.
- I really, really, really want to go for a run. Clearly I’m an addict.
- Same as above, but replace run with bike. Or yoga. Or pretty much anything that isn’t lying on the couch watching stupid movies.
- Speaking of stupid movies, I really do not like the channel Turner Classic Movies or whatever the hell it’s called. My mom does. A lot. It might not be that the channel is in and of itself bad, I have just been fortunate enough to only watch a string of really, really, painfully, awfully, stupid movies. I mean, really stupid.
My cat is the biggest suck and clearly missed me (which I love). I also think he senses the fact that I am ‘injured’, as the amount of kitty hugs he is offering seems greater than normal. And he loves to cuddle.
- While I wasn’t overly concerned that my tattoos would be damaged during the surgery, I am uber stoked that the doctor avoided all of them. Clearly I’m more attached to them than I originally suspected.
- One uses their abs for a lot of things that one wouldn’t think they would.
- Chocolate almond milk makes everything feel better.
- Swallowing when one’s aortic sphincter and stomach have been moved about, stitched up, and such, is weird. Not painful, just weird.
When my belly swells (which it has for obvious reason), the part above my belly button swells more (clearly a function of where the incisions were made) than below the belly button, hence it looks like I have a sad belly.
- I really, really, really want something solid to eat. I’ve been on a fluids-only diet since surgery, and will maintain that for about a week. I can start introducing soft foods (pasta, pudding, etc.) over the next couple of days – but no major foods like meats or breads (things that would require serious stomach churning) – until a week has passed.
- I am in far less pain than I would have suspected. The worst pain so far has been attributed to the discomfort caused by the air that they used to inflate my abdomen. Some of that is now residing in my back and shoulders – annoying. It normally takes 24 to 48 hours to dissipate apparently; clearly I’m not normal.
- I am a mall walker now. It’s about the only exercise I can do, so I have to suck it up and take it. I can also walk outside, or on the treadmill, but I figured walking the mall in an air-conditioned environment might be the best way to start out.
- So Long Morphine, Hello Oxycodone (consumedbywanderlust.wordpress.com)
- File Under Naiveté (consumedbywanderlust.wordpress.com)
- Despite What You May Have Heard, I Am Not A Gremlin (consumedbywanderlust.wordpress.com)
- Na Na Na Nah, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye (consumedbywanderlust.wordpress.com)