Sunday was, for those who missed it, Create a Great Funeral Day. The idea behind this day – plan now, so that your loved ones aren’t troubled when you finally kick the proverbial bucket. Morbid? To some perhaps. To me, an opportunity to plan a most amazing and final adventure after I shuffle off this mortal coil (thank you Shakespeare).
Now, before reading on be aware that what I’m about to reveal is not my will. It’s an addendum to it, if you will. Some of the things listed here are suggestions. Some of the things listed here are for those adventurous few that I believe will have it in them to complete the tasks set out for them. And finally, some of the things listed here are just hilarious (to me); and I’d much rather have a big ass party after my death than a sombre mourn-fest1. And of course, I realize that this is clearly not a legal document, but it is something that I want taken seriously should I suddenly be found passing over a coin or two to the boatman on my final journey down the River Styx.
I guess what I’m trying to convey here, is that this is my real Bucket-List. That is, things that I want other people to do once I kick the bucket.
So, without further ado, and in no particular order, I offer you my AD2 -List – to be accomplished after I go to sleep in my forever box.
After my ashes are returned to whomever is lucky enough to pick them up from wherever one picks up ashes, I want Steph to go on an adventure with them. Specifically, I want you to take my ashes all over the world. I’ll do my best to provide you with the funds to carry out this activity. I’d prefer it if you could do it in one go – that is, take a year off and go – but that’s not necessary. I’ll also try to make sure there’s enough so Eric can join you. I’ll provide more specific details later. All destinations must be documented with photos; specifically photos of me (in urn form of course) in various locations. The more inappropriate the better. The pictures and updates of my travels should be posted to this blog. When not travelling, you should take me out at least once a week somewhere nice. To dinner. Indian of course. Or sushi. Your choice.
- Carolyn, as discussed, all computer equipment is to be crushed, magnetized, demagnetized, melted down, and thrown into the deepest part of the ocean. Or sent on a one way ticket to the sun. We both know why. That, or you can keep it.
- Gerarda, Alan, Steph, and Eric: I expect you to take whatever collection of scotch I have gathered and have a giant booze filled night of hilarity. Preferably in New York City, or at Steph’s parent’s cottage. Or on a mountain top, because all the classy bitches drink mountain top scotch.
- Elliot, you are instructed to snuggle everyone whenever they come by. Also, you are instructed to be the cutest cat in the history of cats forever. Note: you are one lucky cat. If I were of the ancient egyptian sort, you’d be coming with me.
- Everyone I know should wear pi related stuffs on Pi Day. And they should sing the math song at the top of their lungs wherever they are, at Pi Time.
- Rick, you must high-five 25 random strangers on the 1 year anniversary of my death. Each high-five must be documented, and then posted on-line.
- Rick and Beth, you are requested to remain Awesome for all time. To demonstrate this, you need to accomplish anything that I have not completed on my Not-So-Bucket-List. You may enlist the assistance of Aidan, Rob, Matt, Manon, Jana, Joni, Carolyn, Benjamin, Jhona, Mark, or Jamie to help you along with this feat. If other friends wish to volunteer, so be it. In fact, you may wish to create an army of people so that you might collectively accomplish all the items on the list within a set time period. Be creative. Further, all travel related items must include photographic evidence. Extra points if I’m in the photo.
- The family must go on a giant wine tour. And I don’t mean just Niagara. I’m talking Niagara, California, Argentina, Germany, etc. You can opt to do this together, or split up and conquer the wine-world. Your choice. For extra points, you should document the tour with photos. These can be submitted to Steph so that she can post them on this blog.
- Aqleema, you are requested to publish more of your work. Further, I want you to publish a book called “Adventures in Wanderlusting: The Dan Gillis Story”. Okay, maybe not. But at least keep publishing. Actually, I think you should publish a kids book.
- Lara and Rebecca, you are requested to hold a Cribbage Bitches event on the anniversary of both my birth and my death. A glass of scotch should be ordered and consumed. Rebecca, you must double your Lara-directed zingers, since I won’t be there to assist. Lara, you must mock Rebecca any chance you get. Specifically if she ever borks up a game. Never let her forget it.
- Beth, you must seek out and destroy all spiders in my name. And when you crush one, you must yell Zena Warrior Princess style.
- Sean and Steph, at my funeral, you must do Spoken Word TLC. MUST.
- Tweeps: “I love math” or “Math Rocks” should be a trending topic. I know you have the power.
- Matt, if we haven’t done so, you must complete the insane race we’ve always talked about.
- Nerdcaucus, you are requested to perform an interpretive dance number (choreographed by Lorna and Jasper) for the students of Math1200. The topics could be the epsilon-delta definition of the limit, integration by parts, integration by substitution, or arctrig differentiation. Your choice of course.
- Jasper, you are requested to be the official videographer of the funeral events. I fully expect them to be turned into several YouTube posts, one of which will be a 5-Second-Friday film.
- Rick, Mark, Beth, Carolyn, Gerarda, and Alan (and anyone else that runs), I ask you to run a half or full marathon dressed as unicorns. Because unicorns are epic. Also, they cry rainbow tears. And that is just awesome.
- A committee should be formed to award a “scholarship” in my name. The scholarship will be based mainly on proposals submitted by people who suffer from wanderlust. The more outrageous and adventurous (albeit safe) proposal should win.
- All of my friends should do the no-pants subway ride. Because those of you who know me, know how much I hate pants. During said subway ride, I’d ask that all wear a black arm band with Pi on it.
- Steph, I think another PhD Prom style party is in order. Open bar of course. And The Diana Downtown must cater it. MUST.
Oh, and for those that might be wondering about the title – it’s a line from the Simpson’s. If you can name the character who said it, I offer you 1000000 interweb points to do as you see fit.
1 I know this assumes that people would actually mourn my great demise, but for argument sake, let’s go with this assumption. I guess what I’m saying, is let’s assume that on the day I return to that from which I came – dust – that I do so on a day that is a “good day to die”. That of course being a day when the maximum number of people will lament your new status as “life-challenged”.
2 AD = After Dan
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