So I’m Not Sleeping Tonight

Those shadows look far too much like ELMs. She is right to be afraid.

Disclaimer: Dr. Beth – Don’t read this post.

Gah.

Just gah.

Gaaaaaaaaaaah.

So this evening I received a tweet from a good friend who apparently wants me to suffer horrible horrible nightmares filled with eight legged monsters (ELMs) who are evil and live only to plot my untimely demise.

Have I mentioned I’m arachnophobic1?

Anyway, the tweet was about a group of these ELMs in Brazil that have large social webs. My understanding is that most ELMs live solitary lives, but some have evolved to live socially like this particular group in Brazil.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

The ELMs have learned to cooperate. This can only mean bad things for humanity, or at least for my ability to sleep comfortably tonight.

Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go hide under my covers and purge this bit of information from my brain.


1 My arachnophobia goes back as long as I can remember. As a child (and an adult) I had a recurring nightmare that would freak me out and leave me soaked in sweat.

Disclaimer: Dr. Beth, if you’ve read this far, definitely stop reading now.

Picture this: Imagine a large field. It’s summer time, the sky is blue, there are faint clouds in the sky. In the foreground a large maple tree. Beyond that, just across the field, a swing set. A child swings happily.

In the next image, the field is now blanketed with tarantulas. Thousands and thousands of tarantulas. Every blade of grass has been replaced with a spider. The swingset is abandoned – the only evidence that a child was once there is the swing that continues to drift back and forth while the sea of spiders undulate beneath it.

Flash to a child running to his family home, pushing frantically at his front door, fearful, out of breath. The door won’t budge, so he pushes and pushes until it finally gives. In he tumbles directly into a seemingly endless set of webs which catch in his hair, his face, across his body. He tries to scream but can’t. He tries to find his parents for help, but can’t. He tries to quell the fear that continues to build inside, but can’t. His heart pounds in his chest. The webs are everywhere. Somehow he manages to fight through the webs and slowly makes his way to his parents room, hopeful that once there they’ll be able to protect him. Instead, he finds them wrapped in large cocoons, victims of the monsters that now hunt him.

It was always at this point that I’d wake up, heart pounding, trying to scream but realizing I had no breath, no voice. And this, dear readers, is why I hate spiders.


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6 Comments Add yours

  1. smokeyhouse says:

    So THAT’S why you’re scared of spiders! Eek!

  2. Beth says:

    WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN TO YOUR WARNINGS???? (Also, I like that you wrote the second warning, knowing full well that I wouldn’t listen to the first one, despite it clearly being for my own good).

    At least you have an identifiable reason for your arachnophobia. I have no idea where mine coming from. Though I do know that the ELMs are actively plotting my demise and this information about their newfound collaborative nature in Brazil only proves that (a) they are getting closer to their goal of killing me and (b) the conspiracy of ELMs is international!

  3. Nancy says:

    It could be worse ‚ you two could have been here:

    http://gawker.com/5982891/meanwhile-in-brazil-its-raining-spiders

    1. Beth says:

      I am SO not clicking that link. There’s pictures there, aren’t there?

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