Several weeks ago there was an incident at the Stone Road Mall. I think it had something to do with a coolant leak, but details were scarce. Okay, maybe details weren’t truly scarce. Maybe I just didn’t really do any research to find out what happened. We’ll probably never know. All I do know is that whatever happened was severe enough to have the mall evacuated.
Almost immediately the Twitterverse was buzzing with theories explaining the incident and subsequent evacuation; a chemical spill; a bomb threat; an alien invasion; the zombie apocalypse; super gene-mutating-monster-creating radioactive gamma radiation1. So many theories. So little information.
Being the science-y guy that I am, I immediately sat down and began debunking the theories. My goal – eliminate all of the theories that were clearly hokum, and by the process of elimination obtain only that which could properly explain the truth. Clearly a chemical spill or a bomb threat were too far-fetched; we are talking about the Stone Road Mall after all. Zombie apocalypse or alien invasion? Nope. The event started during the day and we all know that alien invasions and zombie apocalypses require the dark of night. What was left? The only probable explanation: super gene-mutating-monster-creating radioactive gamma radiation.
With this knowledge firmly in hand, and armed only with my camera and quick wits2, I began the painstaking task of documenting the effects of the gamma radiation. Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, Gort, King Geedorah, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Frankenstein, King Kong, giant Gigantor-Elliot, a Tyrannosaurus Rex for some reason, Jaws, a Wampa, and a giant tarantula – all have made their appearance in town, all have left their mark on the good citizens of Guelph.
While I’ve managed to capture many of the creatures below, I fear that we have not yet seen the last of the super gene-mutated monsters. Stay vigilant.
1 Radioactive gamma radiation being the worst of all the radioactive radiations.
2 And the program GIMP.