A Christmas Alphabet

Cookie Monster – cookie afficionado

Dearest readers, I was originally going to write a post describing the awesome time I just had with Rick and Dr. Beth in Toronto (and it was awesome), but I decided to pour myself a scotch instead.

After pouring said scotch (and against my better judgement), I decided that I needed to sample some of the various Christmas wares1 I have around the house. I did this knowing full well that I had no need for the extra Calories, nor did I have a need for the extra sugar and fat right before bed. But I did it anyway because indulging in this manner is somehow acceptable during the Christmas holidays.

As I enjoyed my scotch and cookies, I couldn’t help but form a mental image of Cookie Monster singing C is for Cookie. Shortly after forming said image, I found myself humming and singing along to the song I remember so fondly from childhood.

Munch, munch, munch, C is for cookie, munch, munch, munch, that’s good enough for me, munch, munch, munch, Oh cookie, cookie, cookie, munch, munch, munch, cookie starts with c.

Being the inquisitive type, my mind soon formulated the following question: If C is for cookie, what is D for?

Diabetes! my mind immediately responded. I may have chuckled to myself as I popped another cookie in my gob. Ha! Gillis – you are hilarious. 

What about E? I asked myself half expecting a similarly witty if not slightly inappropriate response.

Expanding waistline! Engorged belly! Extra pounds!

I was almost afraid to ask And F? 

Fatty Fat Fat Fat!

Some of you may know that Fatty Fat Fat Fat was one of my nicknames as a kid. Clearly my brain was not-so-subtly hinting at something. It was at this point that I stopped thinking about my Christmas alphabet, because my brain was being a cruel jerk. It was also at this point that I decided to have one more cookie, because screw you brain, I’m in charge here.

And with that I called it a night.

Okay – full disclosure – I may have had another cookie for good measure. And by another I may mean two.

Fine. Three.

I regret nothing!


1 Read cookies, cakes, candies, etc.

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